I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
