Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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