do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
