In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
