I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
