It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
