people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize