she was so not down for the gang bang
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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