brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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