Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
