love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
