Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize