He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize