How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
