you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was like getting head from an anaconda
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
