are you still at the devil's house?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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