The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
