GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
