I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
bring money and cleavage
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
