every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize