Christians are straight up FREAKS
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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