If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
