they need to just BURY HIM!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
