Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize