she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
