Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
