i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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