This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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