my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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