We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
