Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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