Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
