Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
