he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize