Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
