If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
