are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
