I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
