onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize