Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
