tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize