Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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