White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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