Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
