youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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