Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
