i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
