Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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