the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize