I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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