you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
