We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
