I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
