420 ftw
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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