road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
