would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
