oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
