I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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