is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
