Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
