Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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