I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
